Wednesday, January 07, 2015

The Wolf and Treachery Transmissions

While poking around on my computer a few nights ago I stumbled upon this old file that contains an example of the type of background immersion that some of us like to do locally. What follows is a series of 'fluffy' e-mails sent back and forth between Da Masta Cheef and myself, revolving around getting me and my Space Wolves into battle (Ok, to get me to show up to a game!). This was during the 5th Edition of Warhammer 40K (probably my favorite of the post 2nd ed era) and the Space Wolf codex had just come out and I had yet to get a game in with them. We've gotten a kick out of writing these kind of things, this one in particular, and Cheef still brings up the humbling of poor Sven every chance he gets. We were scheduled to have a battle against Warfrog's Eldar, but circumstances (once AGAIN) prevented me from going.

Cheef started this whole exchange off by rubbing in the fact that I abandoned him, and well, I took the bait and the ball was rolling from there...

From: Da Masta Cheef
To: Neverness
Date: Wednesday, October 7, 2009, 8:10 PM

You, the deluded follower of the so-called 'Corpse-God',

The accursed Eldar have issued challenge to the Mighty Guar Sek (He who's voice drowns out all others), and he has demanded their annihilation! Even now my forces muster @ the 1500 point mark. Our spies have become aware of your approach and I laid plans for a multi-pronged assault. However the vile Xenos have arrogantly declared (as they are want to do) that they can 'easily match' our combined assault! To fight along side followers of the Corpse-God is an abomination! However there is rumor of the recent publication of a tome, in which it is said your Space Dogs fought alongside the blessed forces of demon-kind. So such actions are not without precedent. As an act of 'good faith' (such as it is), I ordered the ritual sacrifice of one of our Preachers (his entrails were feasted upon by our rogue psykers this very day). In his place shall stand the infamous Rogue Inquisitor known as the Khorne Dog. His appearance will be quite familiar to you and the mutants you call Wolfen. Attached to my command squad he will forward my communications to you, saving me the disgrace of having to directly communicate with so-called 'Loyalists' on the glorious field of battle. The Stinking Bishop (also formerly of the Inquisition) has also offered to grace us with his presence should it be required, along with a 250 point contingent of his followers.

May your closed minds be opened to the righteousness of our cause! May you turn from the Corpse-God to follow the TRUE Gods of War! The Gods of CHAOS!

Disrespectfully yours,

Colonel Extra-Hand Straken

728th, Sabbat Irregulars

From: Neverness Date: Friday, October 9, 2009, 11:18 AM

FAO: Master-General Styker of Departento Munitorium
RECEIVED: Scintilla
TELEPATHIC DUCT: Astropath-terminus: Loki
AUTHOR: Wolfpriest Jorvik
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: The sharpest tooth gnaws the hardest bone.
First off, let us apologize profusely for our impending tardiness to the war zone we were requested to support. Our navigator, being of stout constitution for one of his kind, thought he'd join the Long Fangs down in the cantina of our Battle-Barge, the Kraken's Maw, for a few rounds of mead. Not fully comprehending the strength of a beverage that can actually cause a buzz in even a Space Wolf, the navigator was still highly inebriated when summoned to duty. This is how our Battle Barge is stuck in the wrong Segmentum, awaiting the passing of a minor warpstorm, which should get us to the battle about a fortnight from now. Still reasonably quick as far as warpstorms are concerned, but we feel this may greatly impede your progress in the campaign so we wanted to alert you to the reason, and fact, of our tardiness so you don't start off on some foolhardy campaign expecting us to make a dramatic entrance on the nth hour; This will not happen! So, hold the lines you have, we are coming, just not on the night you expect.

*A scene from the cited battle with Warfrog's Eldar
I would also like to enlighten you about these xenos, the eldar. We have engaged this particular craftworld before, and unlike the rest of their skippy and dancey brethren, this is a vile and tricky lot. Be particularly aware of their snipers, fore they brought low many a wolf brother in our last engagement*, Also beware of two sets of warriors, the Dire Avengers and Swooping Hawks. On the former, they have the firepower to obliterate any unguarded foe who stands before them. Of the later, be aware of their bombing runs, as they can wipe units of guardsmen with a single pass. Make sure they grasp the concept of `going to ground' or else you will forfeit their asset to you entirely. 

A further note if you will; Wolf Lord Sven is concerned with a communication sent out by your field general, whose sense of humor disturbs us greatly. Signed `Col. `Extra-hands' Straken, this prankster has unwittingly sewn his own demise with a missive laced with heresies, blasphemies, and plain insults. Find with this transmission a copy of said missive and review. We expect that this individual will be removed from the theater of battle prior to our arrival, or by Russ we will be forced to take matters into our hands.

From: Da Masta Cheef Date: Saturday, October 10, 2009 12:28 PM
Awww, you're bailing? BAD Puppy! No biscuit! lol, too funny actually. I knew you'd be 'geek' enough to appreciate my preceding message.

From: Da Masta Cheef Date: Saturday, October 10, 2009, 10:44 PM

." damn it! Serg....Mossad, Rifles. This is f......he Mighty Sek wh.........ioce drow......others........been aveng.....!! Eldar Comma......dead, enemy inf.........lling back to their li......walkers out ther..3 or 4......issiles..... All our Inf.....ead, all dead. I'm the only o.........rtillery still entren.........op firing to save idea wher.....onel Strak......maybe dead or captu.....t our line holds, can'........other enem....ttack. Will fi.........last!

....geant Mos.....acting Com.........r 
728th Sab.........fles......."

From: Neverness Date: Sunday, October 11, 2009, 10:27 AM

FAO: Master-General Styker of Departento Munitorium
RECEIVED: Scintilla
TELEPATHIC DUCT: Astropath-terminus: Loki
AUTHOR: Wolfpriest Jorvik
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Eateth not the yellow snow.
Good news the warpstorm has passed, and we are now in orbit above the battleworld. We will engage the enemy as soon as Wolf Lord Sven's Thunderwolf gives birth to her pups. We're all gathered in the ship's kennels awaiting their arrival. Should be any day now, hold the line a bit longer and we will descend upon your alien foes and crush them. We've received fractured communications from the planet below, but while adjusting our receiver unit, Iron Priest Woton found a channel that plays nothing but old concerto standards. We believe these sounds will help sooth the Wolf Lord's Thunderwolf during her birthing, so we have it piping through the whole ship.

By the way, we want to know if that heretic Straken has been dealt with yet? If not, we need meat for the wolf pups...

Wolf Lord Sven, ready and willing to assist in puppy birth.

From: Da Masta Cheef Date: Sunday, October 11, 2009, 7:44 PM

FAO: Wolfpriest Jorvik
AUTHOR: Inquisitor Kemp, Ordo Hereticus
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: It is not your right to question, only to obey.
There is no Colonel by the name of 'Extra hands' Straken, nor a 728th Sabbat Irregulars listed within the ranks of the Emperor's most glorious Imperial Guard. Further inquiries as to the identities of those you have mentioned above has garnered the attention of the Ordo Hereticus. As such I have taken command of this investigation and am aboard my cruiser 'Interrogator' which is en route to rendezvous with your strike cruiser for further investigation. You and your crew will stand down and submit to MY authority upon my arrival, and will cooperate fully with any 'cleansing' operations should they be necessary. The thought of the Astartes being so easily misguided by, if not outright consorting with the ruinous powers is one that shall be quashed with much haste & vigor!

The Emporer Protects.

Inquisitor Kemp

-Ordo Hereticus-

From: Neverness

FAO: Inquisitor Kemp, Ordo Hereticus
RECEIVED: Scintilla
TELEPATHIC DUCT: Astropath-terminus: Loki
AUTHOR: Wolfpriest Jorvik
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Men can be replaced, data is precious.
Lord kemp, we are not surprised to once again bear witness to your witless observations and shortsighted determinations with regards to imminent threats to the Imperium we hold dear. Of course "There is no Colonel by the name of 'Extra hands' Straken, nor a 728th Sabbat Irregulars listed within the ranks of the Emperor's most glorious Imperial Guard." It's what they have come to call themselves! Do you honestly think to believe that a group of traitors would resubmit to the Departmento Munitorium a name change after they turn traitor? No, why, in their current guise they can continue to seek requisitions and supplies thus not only draining the Imperial Guard of resources, but by also acting in a manner counter-productive to the aims and wishes of the Administratum. Besides the obvious act of subterfuge, if such a group were bold/stupid enough to attempt such a request, it would take decades for the change to actually occur! We both know that the Administratum is not known for expediency. For example, we're still waiting to hear back on our Request of Censure against you for that decision you made six years ago to pull back the Imperial Guard that we were sent to support against a combined Tau and Necron assault. You stated on the Voxcast that the regional Governor's botanical gardens were to be protected at all costs, leaving us to pursue the routing Tau (we're still happy to have crushed the Necrons in the campaign). When advised against this decision, you had the Guard fire upon our force. If the Tau were not a bigger threat at the time, your bones would be lining our wolf kennels.

Back on the point, `Extra Hands' Straken, and his 728th Sabbat Irregulars, regardless of whether or not you can produce a record of their existence, will be pacified. We welcome you to join us –from a distance- in monitoring their destruction, but if you intend or dare to assume that the sons of Russ will heel to a paper-pushing simpleton, you better not show up with a pack of women this time.

Chewing up Treachery,


From: Da Masta Cheef
Subject: Casualties were heavy.....
To: Neverness
Date: Saturday, October 31, 2009, 11:46 PM

...but the 728th Sabbat Irregulars still managed to hold the accursed Eldar to a draw. The line holds, with the famed Eldrad fleeing before the might of Straken!

It is no wonder that the cowardly Space Puppies, fled before us, refusing to come to battle.


From: Neverness
Subject: Incoming transmission
To: Da Masta Cheef
Date: Sunday, November 8, 2009, 12:19 PM

FAO: Master-General Styker of Departento Munitorium
TELEPATHIC DUCT: Astropath-terminus: Loki
AUTHOR: Wolfpriest Jorvik
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Negotiation is surrender.
On this day were able to confirm the treachery of Lord Kemp on the field of battle. He had allied himself with the despicable heretic Col. ‘Extra’ Hands Straken and the 728th ‘Sabbat Irregulars’. Lord Kemp is often referred to by his own troops as the ‘Khorne Dog’, a sobriquet in and of itself that is affirmation of treachery. Although soundly defeated, during the calamity that ensued on the battle field we were unable to confirm the kill as the pack of wolf brothers that brought down their command squad was subsequently violated with a pungent brew of the most heinous of chemicals ever introduced to a theater of war. Even the heightened metabolism of a Space Marine cannot withstand exposure to this dirtiest of tricks. Beware of this most crude of battlefield ingenuity, as this foul noxious chemical is capable of overwhelming the stoutest of men, and hardiest of respirators. So do put out the alert that we believe these traitors to still be at large, although they will most likely lay low for a while to regroup and heal, they are still undeniably dangerous and corrupting.

To add further insult our Wolf Lord Sven Axegrinder was brought down in close combat, but instead of killing him honorably, they took to stripping him of his sacred armor and applying female undergarments and face-paint and tying him to a statue of the Emperor in a nearby square. They then took to broadcasting this image throughout the local planetary network’s entertainment frequencies. This insult has invigorated our chapter, and we won’t rest until these traitors are forever exterminated.

We’re still looking for the so-called Xenos threat that was the original intent of our dispatch to this system. We’re waiting for more intel, but it would seem that this was a ruse to draw us into an ambush.

And as an aside; To assist in rooting out other potential traitor regiments, do be on the look out for requisitions for large quantities of feather boas; we’re alarmed at how many were found on the corpses of these traitors, and alarmed further that they seemed to have been given as standard issue. Surely tithes could be better allocated to improving the basic wargear of the Imperial Guardsman?


From: Da Masta Cheef
Subject: Incoming transmission
To: Neverness
Date: Sunday, November 9, 2009, 12:43 PM

FAO: Master-General Styker of Departento Munitorium
TRANSMITTED: Carcaradon Cluster
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Interrogation through torture always nets results.
The attached transcript was recorded by an Obsolescent Temple Assassin that is tracking the Heretic unit known as the 728th Sabbat Irregulars. It is believed to be from a command briefing of the Rogue Colonel 'Extra Hands' Straken. Though he survived the encounter, the Assassin's position was compromised, leaving us with only a scrap of dialogue. I have sent a copy of this to my Master, shall I also forward this to the sons of Russ?

-Interrogator Snipes-

+++++Recording Begins+++++

Cheef's Obsolescent Temple Assassin?
'...that screaming all about? I thought you executed the howitzer crews for their incompetence?'

'Eases the mind doesn't it? I did, although I did leave one to feed to the Psyker. His power grows by the day, he needs to be watched. Our friend the Inquisitor is in the medicae. Apparently the followers of Khorne feel pain, thanks to the Blessings of Grandfather Nurgle, I do not.'

'Indeed Colonel. So are they taking the Dog apart or putting him back together?'

'Not my concern, the medicae's saw bones is a devotee of Khorne as well, so either way their god is being sated. What do the spies report?'

'The Wolves have landed again, don't think its the ones we fought, its the others. The ones that fought the green Astartes. Who were they anyways, Death Guard?'

Don't know, don't care, they killed plenty of themselves, and added enough collateral damage to send droves of new refugees to welcome the Glory of Chaos and to refill the ranks. What of our armor?'

Only one Bane Wolf is back in service, they're emptying the latrines into it now, and the PDF turned up another Battle tank as well.'

'The Bastion laser?'

'The Dark Mechanicus's adepts have retrofitted some of those recovered Xenos grav engines into its support stabilizers. There's not enough power to fire it on the move, but it will serve as a crew portable weapon.'

'It'll have to do...ok, here's the plan: Sergeant Mossad, you will take the platoon to the...'

++++++++Transmission ends++++++++

Note: While scouring Da Masta Cheef's blog, I was unable to locate any pics of the "Khorne Dog" or "Col. Extra Hands Straken", No doubt a cover-up on the highest levels is occurring.

Note2: Thanks to the Cheef for providing a link to an image of Col. Extra-Hand Straken. (And no, you can't have my 1st born...)


Da Masta Cheef said...

lol, ah yes, the 'good ol' days...'.

Here you can Find Colonel Extra-Hands Straken with his trusty bodyguard NORK DEADGOD!!!

And indeed, it is Curious that the Khorne Dog is absent from my blog. However he currently resides in a place of honor in my 'Hall of Heroes' alongside such venerated heroes as Centurion Niro of the Red Corsairs, Da Redd Barrun! (former warlord of the Skittles Night Goblin Tribe) and the infamous Adam-Slayer (and Urbanmech from Battletech).

However, I can provide a photo for a small fee, perhaps a sacrifice of something of worth to you, your forthcoming first born perhaps...

neverness said...

Sure, but the kid will probably be noisy, full of poop, and you'll have to feed it. A lot.

Good to see I simply overlooked Colonel Extra-Hands, but it is definitely a shame that the Khorne Dog lacks a show case on your blog. Have you considered creating a gallery page?

Da Masta Cheef said...

Sacrifice Neverness, sacrifice! I didn't say we were going to keep No I haven't. One day when I'm bored I'll look into it, probably on the test blog first to figure it out.

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